A mother’s story of mental illness

3 days ago

0 3 2 minutes read

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I am an 82-year woman who has been a supportive entity fighting the stigma of mental illness for four generations of family members, Corporation for National Service volunteers, friends and employees. In my adult years I have been fortunate to live in two worlds, 30 years of being a “stay at home mom” and 30 years having a career of volunteer administration and retiring at the age of 75 years.

My husband and I raised our family of eight children (five boys and three girls) in what we thought was a perfect family life of father involvement, eating dinner as family, teaching our children love of God and being involved in their education. My world came to a halt when our oldest son started showing signs of mental illness at age 15 and was at Singer Mental Health Center for 30 days.

At the age of 20 he was living on his own but refused to take medications. While we were on vacation in July, 1978, he died of carbon monoxide poisoning in our garage. Our family was devastated! His siblings were ages 10 to 19 years old. Twenty years later our family was hit again with the suicide of our youngest daughter’s 30-year-old, firefighter husband who shot himself. She was four months pregnant with a son.

When our son died, a part of me died also, but I knew that I had to hold the family together. I was ashamed that I wasn’t the perfect mother, but I choose survival and to advocate for a change in mental health awareness and live each day to the fullest.

I have always believed in collaboration and lifelong learning in life. As a member of the League of Women Voters, I became chairman of the health committee, served as Illinois Mental Health Issues chairman and represented LWV for the past 20 years by collaborating with health providers, government entities, support services and family/friends to educate the public about the need for mental health funding.

Forty years ago, mental illness and suicide was a topic people avoided and resources for family members were limited. Through the years, I have learned the following: Be proactive in educating yourself about mental health resources; it is easier to understand and listen to acquaintances than your own family members because of past history; forgive yourself for not being perfect; life is not fair; you can only change yourself; the importance of a faith community; a friend who will accept you as you are and the most important thing I can do is listen to others without judgement.

My son left a farewell letter to the family and this is the ending of the letter: “Dear family please learn by your oldest brother’s mistakes. That’s what older brothers are for. Just Love one another for me.”

If someone you know is struggling with a mental illness, NAMI Northern Illinois is here to help. Call 815-963-2470 or visit naminorthernillinois.org to find the support, education and resources you need to assist your loved one through their journey.