How to tell your kid you can’t afford that pricey college

But this year, technical issues with the Free Application for Federal Student Aid, or FAFSA, pushed many schools to extend the May 1 deadline to May 15 or June 1, according to a directory compiled by the National Association for College Admission Counseling.

As a result, many colleges delayed sending out financial aid packages.

But those glitches also create an opportunity — maybe a last chance — for parents and children to discuss whether they’re about to make a huge financial mistake.

I understand the pressure.

You don’t want to disappoint, even though the choice would sentence you both to decades of debt.

However, smart decisions mean leaving the emotion out of it, especially when finances are involved. So, here are six points to give you the strength to say no to a college you and your child can’t afford.

Sorry, I can’t leave this decision to a teen

I recently found myself trying to persuade a mother from taking on debt — $30,000 a year — to send her daughter to an out-of-state college. And that was after some scholarship money.

Her daughter had been accepted by several colleges, one of which provided enough financial aid that she wouldn’t need to borrow.

The mother presented the decision as if she had no power.

“‘No,’ is a complete sentence,” I said.

It never occurred to the mother to say otherwise, even though her daughter couldn’t borrow enough on her own to attend the school.

If the dream can only be met by taking on massive parental debt, you have veto power. Use it.

We told our three children they could apply to any college they wanted, but we stood fast to one rule — no debt, no matter what. There were some tears, rolling of the eyes and initial disappointments, but all three of our children have undergraduate degrees and no debt.

Now in their 20s — with more life choices because they aren’t struggling with student loans — they all are grateful for the tough love.

You can thrive at another school

If affordability is an issue, talk with your teen about starting out at a community college and then transferring to a four-year institution.

Remind your child that a prestigious school doesn’t guarantee career success. You have to be the adult with the foresight to understand it’s the student — not the school — that matters most.

Honey, do you know how much debt we’re talking about?

Show them the full cost and the monthly payment schedule.

Though most families don’t pay the advertised price, nearly 1 in 4 undergraduates need to take out loans to pay for their degrees, according to a new report on the state of higher education by Gallup and the Lumina Foundation.

What’s more, the report cautions: “Despite concerns about cost, few understand the actual price of higher education — specifically, the price of obtaining a bachelor’s degree.”

Let’s look at the long-term effect of all this debt

Often, teenagers can’t see beyond their immediate desire to attend a certain university.

The loans aren’t real because they don’t have to pay anything until later. This makes it hard to realize how painful those monthly payments will be once they graduate — or drop out without a degree.

Even with income-based repayment plans that can reduce the monthly outlay, borrowers still complain about their ability to manage other expenses once they are living independently.

The Gallup-Lumina report found that 71 percent of current and former students who have taken out loans said they had to delay at least one significant life event because of their debt, including buying a home, purchasing a car, or returning to complete their degree or credential.

“Even relatively small student loans hinder the attainment of key milestones,” the report said.

Reining in costs now leaves more for graduate school

If your child is pursuing a field where a graduate degree may be necessary to advance, don’t rack up debt for their undergraduate studies.

If you want more personal finance advice that’s timeless, order your copy of Michelle Singletary’s Money Milestones.

No, a student loan is not ‘good debt’

Many people categorize student loans as “good debt.” As the argument goes, going to college can boost one’s earnings potential.

A college degree can significantly boost lifetime earnings. But that higher income is increasingly offset by the burden of debt.

What if the cost becomes so great that your child has to drop out of school? They’d have the debt and no degree. What’s great about that?

There are so many things that could make a person’s student loans a burden.

When you use positive adjectives to describe debt, you may end up minimizing the financial bondage it creates.